question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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