So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
