i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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