Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
