At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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