I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
