im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
