I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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