Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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