dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
