1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
