I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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