your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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