I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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