i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
