I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
