I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dicks are not precious.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
