I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
handjob tips. give me some.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
