420 ftw
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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