Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Don't make out with my wife yet
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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