sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
