Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
