I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
