I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
