I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
