On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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