Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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