his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
