I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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