woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
