..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
