Sry I called you an 8
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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