Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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