Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
