I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
