Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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