There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
