you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
