I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
