You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
