We're facebook friends in real life
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
