Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
my poor anus
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
