JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
