With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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