Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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