throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
