how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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