So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
