Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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