So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
