I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
